person: bring a friend
me: i did meet a nice rock outside
My family when someone wakes up before anyone...
Me: Tips toes quietly through the house, trying not to make a sound.
Everyone else: Let me just stomp throughout the house, slam a bunch of doors, and bang some pots together in the kitchen, I'm sure no one will mind.
Every time my shirt is off in front of my boyfriend, he always looks at them...– Dating, It’s Complicated: 127 (via collegehumor)
ONE DAY I WILL HAVE A LIFE
BUT NOT TODAY!
What concert cost 45 cents?
the-lazy-oreo: quinnfacray: tonymoanie: 50 cent feat. Nickleback
mom: what time did you go to bed last night?
me: that information is confidential
Operator: 911, please hold.
Me: Stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.