Life is shitty. Everyone knows that. There’s so much crap in this world, and I think in the end, all we really have is the connections and the relationships that we form with other people. Clichéd as it sounds, love really is the thing that makes everything worth it. And it shouldn’t matter who you make a connection with. It should just be about the fact that you make a connection with someone at all. Slamming people and judging people for who they love is such a ridiculous thing, because in my opinion, finding love is such an amazing thing in itself; isn’t that really the part we should be focusing on? People aren’t their sexuality. They’re just people. We’re not defined by who we love; we’re defined by our ability to love and accept love in return.
I’m sick of Spiral and Metro and all the clubs and random hookups. I’m sick of failed relationships and people screwing me over. I might be young, but I know what I want from another person and I know who I am. My friends, for the most part, agree that I don’t change when I enter a relationship. I know who I am. The good, the bad, the ugly; I know who I am. And I know that I’m ready to settle down for a while. I don’t want to fuck; I don’t want to stalk nightclubs looking for someone to go home with. I want some to talk about books and art and stupid things like cloud shapes with. I want to spend hours doing nothing in a coffee shop with someone. I want to go on a road trip and take someone to Germany with me and fuck until morning. I want to make someone breakfast in bed and spoil my girl rotten and be proud to show her off. Someone said to me once “every relationship ends until one doesn’t”, and I’m ready for one to last for a while. I’m lonely; that kind of aching loneliness that even your very best friend can’t fix. I know I haven’t been single for that long, but I’m disproportionately lonely for that time; because having failed relationship after failed relationship really makes you tired and lonely. It really takes a lot out of you.
I’m watching How I Met Your Mother, and they’re talking about crazy eyes on women and perfect fingernails on men, and how those things mean someone’s crazy, so you shouldn’t date them. I wondered idly if there was a way to know if a lesbian was crazy.
True story: Every time that I get the “Sorry, we couldn’t load this page! Try again” message on Tumblr, I read the “try again” part in Christina’s voice from Grey’s Anatomy. The episode where Meredith almost drowns and the doctors try to save her and Christina insists that they try one last time and she uses that scary voice and says “try again.”